Its Monday morning, so that means its time for another top ten list. Here are the top ten things I learned from last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey!
10) The Posche Fashion show is the seventh circle of hell and shall be avoided at all costs unless you want to be setup, de-weaved or erroneously accused of leaving your baby unattended. For reals…go to Burger King instead.
9) No doubt Melissa Gorga was setup to be exposed. But I am not sure in which alternate reality this means that Teresa was the one who set her up. I am however pretty certain that Melissa was set up to be REVEALED as a former stripper and not setup to be FALSELY ACCUSED of being a former stripper. This is what made Jacqueline too distraught to come to the reunion the next day? I’m gonna blame Patron on that one, sorry.
8) BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT: “From porn again to born again”- Kim D WORST LINE OF THE NIGHT: “(insert anything uttered by Rich Wakile here)” I refuse to repeat the comment which still haunts me late at night but I will say it had to do with Kathy and her tasting like Nemo cooked at 165 farenheit.
7) Kim D. is a sly cunning fox who may or may not have orchestrated this whole thing. Its way too elaborate even for Teresa. According to the ladies of RHONJ, First T is an evil genius, then she is too dumb to speak…which is it ladies?
6) Melissa looked like she let a small turd out when seeing the “bald guy”. Not sure why she looked so scared if she “couldn’t place” him. Looked more like a “CRAP! That guy was my ex-boss” Teresa on the other hand looked like she was slowly realizing shit was about to hit the fan and someone was playing games.
5) Bravo cares more about making money than protecting its “stars”. This was clearly set up. The “bald guy” was mic’d. Kim G and Danielle both insinuated that they were invited to come to the Posche show to stir the pot (both declined). Obviously Bravo was intent on causing a ruckus and “outting” Melissa (or making it look like Teresa, the season 4 “villan” was doing it). If anyone in the cast thinks they are immune to these machinations, they are sadly mistaken. Even Kim G. went on to say that the event was a setup and Jacqueline came there in tears looking for proof that they tried to have Kim G. go there as well. Did we not learn anything from the suicide of Russell Armstrong? I understand this is TV, but the character assassinations of people that are scripted and far-fetched affect way more than “ratings”. This could be why reportedly, Bravo did a major sweep of the producers after this season.
4) Rich Wakile is a pervert. Sorry, I had to give this its own attention.
3) Caroline looks like an attack dog ready to pounce of that poor Lindsey girl. And Lauren…well let’s just say Lauren looks like she is going to go all Single White Female on Lindsey’s ass.
2) Pete Giudice is a mini version of his brother. Not sure why it was so “shocking” to have him at the show…but it was enjoyable to see him, nonetheless. And memo to Kathy: No one WANTED Rich there. See #4 above.
1) Mark this episode down in history…godwilling, it is the last time we will have to see Melissa Gorga and a music montage. Even her 30 second montage was auto-tuned.
Tune in next week for part 2 of the explosive finale…followed by 3, yes 3! parts to the reunion. I can’t wait!